I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We're too hungover to prance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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