woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
