they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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