Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
