she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
