I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
