Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
