you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
