I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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