STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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