I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need a beard to bite.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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