After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
