So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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