Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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