And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
