I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
