mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
