I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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