it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
