I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
