last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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