playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
