It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
