At least make sure they are 18
Why
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
