I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
