Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize