He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
