like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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