Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
