Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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