MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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