do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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