this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
