im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
