There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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