I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
