I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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