just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
