apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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