when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think my moral compass just broke
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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