i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
