I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
