**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
