Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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