Only a mothe r could love this liver
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
