$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can't motorboat a personality
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
