filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
