WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
