Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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