whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
