dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And then he peed in my hair
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
