$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
