his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
