I accidentally burped into my bong.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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