i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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