when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His nipple licking is glorious
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