Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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