he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
