so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize