I'm lost and stupid without you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize