I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
