I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
