I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
