I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
3pm strippers are depressing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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