drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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