Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
