Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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