This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
