It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
