No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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