Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
