Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
