There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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