She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
