Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize