i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
