the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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