I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
