i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
