Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
