just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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