Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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