I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
