I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
