literally had 100 drinks last night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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