you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
