he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
