I puked a lego.
I've blown a few things in my day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
