Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I met the friendliest cop last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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