I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
