She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
