Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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