I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
