i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
