I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I CAN MOONWALK!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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