you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
