I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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