he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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