If that was your dad, he is hot
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
