i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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