what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
